I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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