Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
