It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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