I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need a beard to bite.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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