I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
