Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
