How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
