This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
