i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
