he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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