I must be too annoying 4 u.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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