Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
