The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
