the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
