"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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