ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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