Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
