i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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