In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
