so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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