Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize