he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
