its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize