No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize