She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
