You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
