I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
