Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
