Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
