I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
