Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize