Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
