i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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