Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
