why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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