I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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