I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
