i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
