Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
