i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
