just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
