So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
