i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
