did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
