I faked an abortion last night.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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