so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
