Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
