No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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