:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
