I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
