DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
