im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
