I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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