4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize