I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
