I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize