I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
