I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
