I just saw a hot homeless man
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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