ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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