i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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