rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize