WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
