I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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