Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
