dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
