Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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