god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
