they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
