That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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