Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
